Why oh why

Doesn't it take 2 hours to get Rat_Girl to sleep at night. I just don't understand.

Her sleeping has been an issue for as long as I can remember. We get brief periods of good sleeping and then it returns to normal or ab-normal, whatever.

I remember as a baby countless nights walking the halls with her screaming trying to get her to sleep, normally once she was asleep it was ok. And at an early age, one we working out some feeding issues she slept what I thought was ok for a baby...according to my mothers group friends she was sleeping much more than there babies, must be because she is formula fed they would say (I now realise that is a load of rubbish having a breastfed baby that at 4months can sleep 11hours at night). Until she was about 6months sleeping was ok, then at this stage the struggle to get to go to sleep started. It was hell and we tried everything. We've always had a good, well I think, night routine but still it never worked. I refused to let her cry for too long while she was too young but as she approached 1yo (I think maybe around 10mths/11month) I decided I had to do something, Concrete_Man was working away a lot and I was all alone. So controlled (well my modified version) crying was what I hoped would save me. And well it did. It took about 4 nights of tears (mostly from me while sitting on the cold floor in the hall watching the stop watch till I can go back in to settle her) and she was going to sleep by herself after maybe a couple sobs. Then I had to work on the night wakings which was basically the same as going to sleep and soon she was going to sleep and staying asleep or at the most waking for a resettle and then back to sleep. I should mention that part of her sleep problems was also waking in the night screaming uncontrolably half awake half asleep and completely impossible to settle, she would just stop all of a sudden and go back to sleep (this still continues now).

Her sleeping was good and last for awhile and I could sit with her, read her a story or give her a bottle and then walk out and let her fall asleep on her own. I'm not really sure when it stopped and went backwards but it did. Probably about the time she was between 18months and 2 years and the fights and tantrums would start again and we would be trying all night to get her to sleep and keep her there. It's hard to remember things exactly, I spent so much of the time in a zombied state.

But I do know that around 2 years of age, she was still in her cot till she was over 2, Concrete_Man and I spent a lot of time sleeping on a makeshift swag bed on her floor as she wouldn't sleep unless we were with her. So fast forward a bit and most nights are spent with her sleeping in our bed (oh also she got a new big bed and a new bed room) with none of us actually sleeping because she does not sleep soundly. Night filled with uncontrollable screaming, nights where at midnight she is still screaming the house down not going to sleep...nights where I honestly thought the neighbours would call the police on us for all the yelling and the screaming and the crying. Night where I honestly thought I would lose control.

Leading up to Rat_boys birth we set up a reward chart to get her to sleep in her own bed, she didn't miss a beat every morning she would cross a day off and be one day closer to a big reward. It was great, though we still had trouble getting her to sleep and still had fights in the middle of the night. Ofcourse once her brother came home the wheels fell off again.

I thought I had things under control by bring her bed time right back to like 645pm and talking about bed and the night routine from about 4pm in the arvo. This week I had a few nights where it took less than 30mins and she went to sleep by herself but then tonight 2 hours again and I had to sit with her. Thankfully though as her bedtime is now 645pm she was asleep before 9pm. Previously 2 hours would mean still awake after 10!!

So I guess maybe we are making some progress...maybe, I don't know I can only dream.

Oh and for what it's worth our routine...

From 4pm start talking about dinner time, bath time, story time, bed time.

Dinner she will sit to eat any time from 4:30 but usually about 5pm
I will sit with her and have a cuppa or just chat with her while I am finishing dinner or cleaning up after cooking etc. Rat_boy sits with us and if Concrete_man is home he will too. Then our dinner gets served 545/600. She will more than likely still be eating, or she will have dessert or a snack plate after her dinner
Bath for both kids, she will brush her teeth in the bath
Then we will sit quietly for a little tv all together while I feed the baby boy.
He is put to bed
Then I take her to bed, she has stories and then she lays down for sleep.
I try to make excuses to leave in hope that she will fall asleep by herself....not always the case.

So tell me what am I doing wrong?!?!?!?!?!?