Plastics cupboard

I was tidying up the containers that Rat_boy had spread around the kitchen and because I'd been sorting toys and books into new containers today I had a few baskets spare so decided I'd try make something of the chaos that is my plastics cupboard!!!

Not the best of pictures hopeless light in my kitchen and no flash on my phone. So hope you can see something.

I need to cull a few I think. My fridge containers I've changed over for something else so the ones in there I don't really use anymore.

That is not all my plastics oh no! There is all the stuff I use in the pantry, what I use in the fridge and of course the multiplying containers for the kids lunches that ate kept elsewhere.

Not 'just' mum

Following on from a comment by a wonderful friend on one of my previous posts, I want to know..

What do you do or what would you like to try to make you feel like you are not 'just' mum???

I know that really there is no such thing as 'just' a mum but sometimes that's how us mums feel and sometimes we just need to break away for a bit. I need to really think as it seems like forever since I've done anything other than work, take care of family and house and the occasional work out!

But I'd love to hear from others.

Not to mention grumpy..

No not the dwarf, me!

Just following on from my last post, I'm constantly grump and cranky. I don't seem to ever be in a good mood and the family are copping it. Everyone and everything irritates me, surely it's nit healthy to be like this.

I did drag my sorry butt outside today to assist with the yard clean up I even got on the hedgers and omg my arms and shoulders are killing me. It helped a liitle with my mood but nit much.

I don't know if I need to go back to my dr for help, I feel like I'm heading back down that path Id like to be able to sort it out in my own though.

No one to blame but myself

I'm so far behind on everything in my life at the moment and I wish I could blame it on someone else, but I can't I only have myself to blame.

I want to say that the kids take up too much of my time, but they don't, I have plenty of time when they are asleep or in care or occupying themselves to get things done.  I could blame it on our work that it's soooooo busy I just can't keep up, well it is true that it's busy but really it's nothing I shouldn't be able to handle.  Or perhaps I can blame it on the fact I don't have anyone to help me around the house or assist with anything, but again that would be a lie.  Concrete_man is actually pretty good when it comes to most things around the house (even if he doesn't do it the way I want) and he tries to help me with making things easier and more managable on the work side of things.

But the honest truth is I'm unmotivated.  Honestly I can hardly get myself out of bed in the morning, even though I know the later I get up the harder the day is going to be and the more the morning rush.  And instead of getting everything ready the night before I sit on my bum and waste time or fall asleep on the couch.

Even now I should and could be working or sorting dinner or cleaning or doing anything but I've found any excuse I can to not do it.

It's like I just couldn't be bothered living my life at the moment. 

It's no wonder I'm struggling with the kids, it's basically like they don't have a mother, sometimes I couldn't even be bothered to do stuff with them. Yes I'll sit in the same room as them and yes I'll get their food and whatever but it's hardly what I would call good parenting at the moment.  I feel like all I do is yell at them, constantly yell at them and I feel like I've pulled away.

How stupid that I know this and I can see this, yet still I do nothing about it.  I need to get myself out of this rutt and try and get myself motivated but I don't know how and it's possible maybe I don't want to...It's like I don't want to try for it, maybe I just want someone to go inside my head, flick the switch and make it all better. Which of course is not going to happen.

R.I.P Grandad

R.I.P Grandad

22/04/1922 - 24/05/2010

Firstly, I just have to note that the year of birth at the top might be a guess, I'm sure he's 88 but he could be 89.

He's been in and our of hospital over the last few years with various things along with dealing with dementia.  Last week he was admitted to emergency with what looked to be kidney failure.  On Saturday while we were driving home I received a message from my mum that they had moved him to a private room and called family in to say their farewells as his kidneys had shut down and it was only a matter of time.  Mum and dad said their final goodbyes on Saturday, dad's sister was in town to visit and a long standing rift meant the 2 of them would not be in the same room at the same time.  As it was 2 days later he passed away.

It's been really tough for me today, not because I've been upset but because I haven't been.  My father didn't have a relationship with his dad which meant we also didn't have a relationship with him.  He treated my dad horrible for a lot of Dad's life.  And even recently dad supported him and his wife financially and was completely taken advantage of.  However on the flip side, my extended family, dad's step brother and half sisters along with their kids did have a relationship with him and he was a dad and grandad to them...so for them I feel upset and for them my heart aches.

I am sure that on Monday when I attend his funeral, the first ever funeral I have attended for a family I'll feel it and I'll cry and I'll be upset and I will be there for the rest of my family however they need me.

The above photo was taken at Rat_boys christening just over a year ago.

Facebook is evil & A Roadtrip

A rare quiet moment while Concrete_man has taken the rats with him to the hardware store.  I expect they will come home with treats because Rat_girl has him completely wrapped around her little finger :-)

Anyway I've been thinking about facebook lately and honestly how much I hate it.  I'm actually starting to get over some of the things people post in status updates and some of the crap that people go on with...yeah I think maybe I should just delete them.  But some of them are people I would keep in contact with if it wasn't for Facebook.  I hate it when people make personal attacks at other people (that they know will read) and people that just constantly complain about their life on there OR complain constantly about how much time they DON'T have...all the while playing on FB (which yes I think I've been guilty of).  I want to sometimes comment on these status updates but find myself biting my tongue.  I've been trying, maybe not so succesfully to keep my statuses not so personal and not so negative.  There are so many times I think about putting something up there and then think "do I really want people reading this".  So I'm trying to decide at the moment if I just get rid of it all together and try going back to keeping in contact the old fashioned way...well my old fashioned way, you know email :-)

On a brighter note, we took a roadtrip yesterday left at 420am, I took the morning drive in the dark and the fog we drove for 2 hours and stopped for breakfast and then another 2 hours to make it to our destination.   We only stayed there for 2 hours, the rats and I hung out at Maccas and played while Concrete_man went to pick up the engine for the race car...then we did the drive home only stopping for fuel and a toilet break.  It was a huge day for the kids but everyone handled it quite well.  The next trip in a few weeks time is 9 hour drive each way...really hoping he's not planning on doing that in a day!

Here's a few pics

Asleep with his big feet on my chair

ummm red m&m's

Rat_boy turns 1

Friday the 14th of May marked the 1st anniversary of Rat_boys birth....we had a lovely day spending the morning at the park with some friends and then later than afternoon just family and a couple close friends for cake and nibbles.

He was very spoilt and had a wonderful day, Rat_girl also had a lovely day as 2 people gave her 'birthday' presents also (a pet hate of mine when the other sibling gets presents also..but we won't dwell on that now).

And also to celebrate this day, Rat_boy had his last breastfeed awww, tomorrow will have been a week so pretty safe to say that chapter is closed now....but how nice to end it like that, an early morning feed on his birthday.

Happy Birthday Buddy!

His little girlfriend (not sure what the face is) she is 4 days his junior.

And Rat_girls (latest) little boyfriend, been friends since they were just babies..he's such a gentleman (don't tell his mother I said that!)

On the run and all grown up

No fear these kids

Presents...nice wrapping paper...and Rat_boy mid sneeze