About Me

This is me, The Rat...partner since 2001 to Concrete_Man, mum to Rat_Girl (born 13.12.05) and Rat_Boy (born 14.05.09). Co-inhabiting our nest are 2 rather large fury 4 legged rats, Boxer_Dog and Black_Dog. We run a business from the nest with Concrete_Man doing the manly physical work while I stay at home and do the 'other' stuff. This means we are often busy, often stressed and often very tired...but then again who isn't! Anyway that's enough for now. As time goes by you will learn a bit more about the family that is "MummaRat's Nest"

June 04, 2010

No one to blame but myself

I'm so far behind on everything in my life at the moment and I wish I could blame it on someone else, but I can't I only have myself to blame.

I want to say that the kids take up too much of my time, but they don't, I have plenty of time when they are asleep or in care or occupying themselves to get things done.  I could blame it on our work that it's soooooo busy I just can't keep up, well it is true that it's busy but really it's nothing I shouldn't be able to handle.  Or perhaps I can blame it on the fact I don't have anyone to help me around the house or assist with anything, but again that would be a lie.  Concrete_man is actually pretty good when it comes to most things around the house (even if he doesn't do it the way I want) and he tries to help me with making things easier and more managable on the work side of things.

But the honest truth is I'm unmotivated.  Honestly I can hardly get myself out of bed in the morning, even though I know the later I get up the harder the day is going to be and the more the morning rush.  And instead of getting everything ready the night before I sit on my bum and waste time or fall asleep on the couch.

Even now I should and could be working or sorting dinner or cleaning or doing anything but I've found any excuse I can to not do it.

It's like I just couldn't be bothered living my life at the moment. 

It's no wonder I'm struggling with the kids, it's basically like they don't have a mother, sometimes I couldn't even be bothered to do stuff with them. Yes I'll sit in the same room as them and yes I'll get their food and whatever but it's hardly what I would call good parenting at the moment.  I feel like all I do is yell at them, constantly yell at them and I feel like I've pulled away.

How stupid that I know this and I can see this, yet still I do nothing about it.  I need to get myself out of this rutt and try and get myself motivated but I don't know how and it's possible maybe I don't want to...It's like I don't want to try for it, maybe I just want someone to go inside my head, flick the switch and make it all better. Which of course is not going to happen.
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2 comments:

  1. KellyJune 4, 2010 at 8:42 PM

    Nodding the whole way through that......i'd give you *hugz* but you know that's so not me.

    I think I need to jive my life up a bit, the same thing every day is driving me up the wall. Lots to do but none of it very new or exciting, KWIM? Anything you've wanted to try lately, which means you're not Just Mum?

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  2. MuMmARatJune 7, 2010 at 12:47 PM

    I actually did post a reply to this, a blooood one too and it's not here...I hate when that happens!

    I'll try respond to it in a post later on.

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